A Day at the Movies

I love seeing movies….action, adventure, drama, comedy. They all work for me. What doesn't work for me are the following:

1. Cell Phones: You are NOT that important! You really do not need to have some bug looking thing sticking out of your ear at all times. And trust me no matter how much you try to whisper…we all know you are not arranging that bootie call with Orlando Bloom. Please turn off your damn phone and just enjoy his hotness. Also, for those of you who do not walk around with the huge Bluetooth thing hanging off your head, but are still in the "stoneage" with myself and many others…in a dark theater the bright LED lights from you phone ARE VISIBLE to everyone. Bet you didn't know that did you? Or you did know that and you just choose to be an obnoxious jerk….in which case I hope that ugly-ass creature that Beowulf is trying to kill jumps out of the screen and bites your head off.

2. Children: Ahhhhh…yes…the murder is creeping up behind the unsuspecting teenager ready to slit her throat and your 2 year-old starts screaming at the top of their lungs because guess what? They DO NOT belong in adult movies. I know you think that they are too young to understand what is going on or that you swear they are going to behave but even if they do not follow the story line…dark music and screaming people WILL scare them. Oh, and they NEVER sit through the whole thing…they wait for the good parts: you know the part where the main people are actually giving the information that we need in order to figure out the rest of the movie and your F-ing kid starts yelling in my ear? Let me just say this: you are lucky that I don't believe in child abuse….parent abuse however…..

Uh, where was I? Yes…Kids do not belong in movies. And while we are on the topic…rating peoples…..Beowulf is not PG-13! The themes are this "men think with their penises" and "women use sex to control men". Our children will learn this soon enough so please put movies that say things like "lust limb" in a high category….even if it is NC-17 or R or "Parents, this contains sex….if you are trying to keep your child from having a kid in their teens, maybe you should steer them toward "Bee Movie" or something a little less sexually charged"

3. And finally…what is with the wannabe gang-bangers hanging outside the theater? I am not afraid of some punk kid whose pants hang so low off their ass that all I have to do is start running away and let him trip on himself? Just because your parents are too lazy to pick you up until 2 hours after the movie doesn't mean you need to stand directly outside the door and "stare down" everyone that comes out. I am not your daddy that obviously hates you because he lets you dress like you want an ass-kicking.

So, there is my rant about the movies. Hopefully the violators read this, recognize themselves and take steps to fix their ways….then again, that is probably wishful thinking…